Under The Influence

The following events are true and have taken place in my life. Although the names have been changed for obvious reasons.

Date: 11th April, 2019, Thursday.
Time: 6:40 P.M.
I was walking out of my office with my laptop hanging over my left shoulder and my cell-phone in right hand. While I was scrolling through the pictures in my Instagram® feed, a Whatsapp® Message popped up on my cell-phone screen.
Shreya: Got a new Mercedes… Lets go for a drive someday…!!!
She sent me picture too and I loved it…!!
Me: Sure. Whenever u say…! 😊

Date: 14th April, 2019, Sunday
Time: 9:30 P.M
I was watching Avengers Infinity War on my laptop snuggling comfortably between sheets with my shorts and tea. Thanos had just snapped his fingers and wiped half the universe. I was a bit emotional when spider-man got swept away and then she called me. She does have a bad timing when it comes to calling me.
Shreya: Hey, where are you now?
(she was excited as always.)
Me: Was watching Avengers Infinity War. Why? What has happened now?
(I smirked and enquired.)
Shreya: Me and Vineet (her brother) are waiting outside your home for a drive around the city. Run and come fast. We are waiting.
Me: I had dinner a few minutes ago. I am too dizzy to go for a drive.

After few minutes, I was there, they were there and it was there too. A perfect black S class Mercedes with the much-seen Mercedes emblem on the front. I stepped in the rear trying to fit in without scratching anything. The Car looked extravagant from the inside with its brown leather seats and controls on the steering. Vineet was on the driver seat and Shreya was sitting on his left.

My family had owned a sky-blue Maruti Suzuki ® WagonR for years which I had learnt to drive a few months ago. So, I could only imagine sitting in a Mercedes let alone sit in it. Naturally, I was anxious and fascinated with the numerous buttons and function that the car performed.

Vineet connected his cell-phone with the music system and tuned to punjabi songs as he zapped through the traffic. He would speed up as he got space on the road and brake suddenly as he had someone or something ahead him. I had cursed him a lot for this.

Vineet: Where we should go?
Shreya: Let’s go to meet Vishal (our common friend whom we hadn’t seen for weeks) …!!
And we agreed.
I was feeling sick after few minutes of drive but I judged it would be over soon. Obviously, I was wrong.

After a good twenty minutes of feeling motion sickness and food churning in my stomach, we had reached Vishal’s place which was across the town. He wasn’t picking the call so I went upstairs to bring him down to hang with us. Though he was reluctant but he agreed. I asked him to bring a bottle of water with him.

He got a bottle with basil leaves floating in it. Obviously, everyone drank but we made sure to make fun of the basil leaves. Soon we left and were driving towards home.

Me: Vineet, STOP THE CAR…!!! (I screamed.)
He thought that I was joking and he continued to drive.
Me: Vineet, STOP THE CAR…!!! (I screamed again.)
He got serious and stopped the car after finding a spot to park.

Seconds before he parked, I had puked all over my clothes and my hands so that the car didn’t get dirty. I unlocked the gates with my one clean hand and puked on the road side. Shreya offered me a half-filled water bottle which obviously wasn’t enough. I ran across the highway to get water from a small hut and wiped myself. These two idiots were sitting in the car and giggling at me.
I was in the car, again. The car smelled of my vomit. I hadn’t stopped feeling sick.
It was my turn to be made fun of and these two morons left no stone unturned to do so. Well, that’s what friends are for. Isn’t it? I cursed his driving skills relentlessly. He even sprayed perfume all over himself and me. We three would remember this drive for the rest of our lives.

Soon, we reached the gates of my colony. I asked them to drop me and drive home safely. I wanted a walk. I had some water from a tea stall and a boy at the stall walked me home.
I reached home at 11:30 P.M. I underwent a serious interrogation. Well, don’t judge me. I come from a Marwari Family. We sleep at 11:00 P.M.
I changed clothes and hid them and slept laughing at the past two hours of my life.


Love That Consumes You…!!!

It was the start of 4th day of June, 2017, Sunday. Karthik was in deep sleep when his cell-phone started ringing. He got up and reached for his cell-phone. He rubbed his sleep-desiring eyes to see who was calling him at this hour. It was his girlfriend, Rashmi, whom he had been in relationship with since the February of 2014. He picked up the call.

“Hello Rashmi, are you ok? You called at this hour.”  Enquired Karthik, worried.

“I saw a bad dream and I couldn’t get back to sleep. So I called you.” Rashmi replied. Karthik could hear her sobbing.

“Hey, tell me naa, what did you see? Share it with me. But please stop crying. Please.” He tried to cheer her and share what was troubling her.

Karthik had been noticing the change in her behavior during their late night calls. She had been trying to slip away from the calls during the days due to her work and during the nights, her tired body and mind drifted her to sleep. Fights had replaced the romantic calls that embraced love and laughter. However, Karthik had believed it to be because of her hectic work schedules and enormous responsibilities of her family which she had to fulfill since the day her parents passed away five years ago. She had upheld responsibilities of her younger brother Mohit and younger sister Riya.  Soon after their demise, she had started art classes in the drawing room of her apartment during her mornings. Her evenings were spent playing piano at the Hotel Raj International. Her tired soul found solace when her siblings hugged her as she returned home.

“The dream was about us. We were getting married and during one of the rituals…” She was narrating and then she started shedding tears. Karthik was trying hard to cheer her up and made her to continue narrating the dream.

“During one of the rituals, a fire broke into the house and… everything was destroyed…” She was in tears again. Karthik told her to wait as he ran down the stairs. He raced his new Pulsar, which he had bought last month, to a 24 hour ice-cream parlour and ordered a take away of butterscotch tub. It was her favourite. He, then, quickly rushed to Rashmi’s apartment, which was two blocks away from his apartment. He parked his bike in the parking lot and paced onto the stairs to reach her apartment. He rang the bell. She opened the door and jumped onto him to hug him tightly. He also returned back the hug by drifting his palm on the back. The tears had made marks on his t-shirt. Karthik held her close as both moved into the flat. Within few minutes, spoons were being used to attack the tub of ice-cream. Rashmi narrated the entire dream and reasons for keeping distance from Karthik.


Karthik held her hand and intertwined his fingers with her and let out a sigh with a smile “They are my family too. We will never leave them alone. How could you even think that? I will never ask you to do that. I love you, Rashmi and I would never want you to make a choice where you have to choose between me and them. I will wait for you as long as it takes. We will always keep them protected and happy. It doesn’t matter to me when we get married. I need you to stay happy with me and your happiness lies in their smile. I will never do anything in my power to let that smile go off your face even for a second. I love you dear. Will you marry me?” He pulled out a ring from his ring finger and went on his knees.


“Yes… Yes, a thousand times yes…Aaah an old ring though…!” She laughed as both of them came close and kissed each other.



Somewhere In My Life..♥♥♥♥

Somewhere in the dark sky,

A gleaming star twinkled by…♥♥♥♥♥

Somewhere in my death,

You’ve been a child’s first cry…♥♥♥♥♥


Somewhere in my anger,

You make me smile moments later…♥♥♥♥♥

Somewhere in my webbed life,

You make my life better…♥♥♥♥♥

Somewhere in your short stare,

You show me a heaven of care…♥♥♥♥♥

Somewhere in making you smile,

I live my life quarter to mile…♥♥♥♥♥


Somewhere in our hugs and kisses,

Emotions of love that my heart wishes…♥♥♥♥♥

Somewhere between our silences,

There were thousand words in our voices…♥♥♥♥♥

Somewhere in letting you walk away,

I’ve been dead that moment away…♥♥♥♥♥

Somewhere in our complaints from each other,

Days passed and you didn’t bother…♥♥♥♥♥

Somewhere between making me and leaving me,

You have taught me to love me…♥♥♥♥♥

Somewhere between my beginning and end,

You have made me a better person, lover and friend…♥♥♥♥♥

For the Love that will always be my love…♥♥♥♥♥

#love #poems #iloveyou

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Tripling By My Grandfather

Have you ever considered taking a road trip with your grandfather and his friends? No! because you know it could be mundane.

Well, my grandfather has been the same man for the last twenty-five years of my life and seventy-five years of his life. He was married to my grandmother at the tender age of 21. In his initial years, he used to run a business of clarified butter (Ghee) under the counsel of his father. Being an elder son to his father, father to his four daughters and two sons and a husband to his warm-hearted wife, he had given due importance to spending money wisely and saving money were above in his list of habits. He possessed and still owns two pairs of white dhoti-kurta which he attires in every day. He believes more in honesty and hard-work than in technology. He has little faith on the white calculator placed on the far end of his desk and has entire surety be on his fingers for calculations. One can see him practising yoga on a carpet beside his bed at the break of dawn. After his morning prayers, he relishes his breakfast served along with his morning tea which includes chapattis and boiled vegetables. His presence commands respect from everyone in the room. He takes part in all the major decisions concerning every member of the family. Everyone believes him to be very wise and always asks for his opinions on crucial matters. I am still not sure whether it is love or respect or both that I feel for him.

It was the noon of 12th of April, 2019. Phone rang. “Dadaji Calling.” It was grandpa on the phone. “Can you drive me to a place?” He asked. “Sure. When? Where?” I said. “Someone had expired a week ago and I have to go there to meet and pay my respects. After half and hour. It will roughly take an hour and half to reach.” He explained everything and enquired about the routes. It had been a month since I had learnt to drive and it was the first time since he was sitting beside me. I called up my brother for a company and some entertainment during the journey. He agreed to tag along. I started the car and was patiently waiting for him with my brother on my left seat. Dadaji came. He said “I have two friends who would be coming with us and they would be uncomfortable if I sit behind” asking my brother to stay back at the office. I was stuck there. Driving gradually as he had apprehensions about driving above 40 km/hr.

After a drive of 15 minutes, he asked me to park the car on the side of the road. I noticed two men, dressed alike to my grandfather, waved at my grandfather. He unlocked the door and moved out to greet them.

The Road Trip had begun.

After a minute or two, one of his friends started the conversation. “How is your health? How is everyone at home?” He asked my grandfather. “Everything is fine except my knees. Everyone is happy at home.” He responded and reciprocated by enquiring about his health and home. They enquired about me too and wanted to grasp as much information they could. They were his friends from his native village in Rajasthan and were meeting after years.

Forty-five minutes had passed. Conversations changed its topics from politics, political parties and politicians to discussion about the person who passed away, from enquiring about another friend in his village to complaining about inflation. Even I was gifted with few advices on how to always be there for your grand-parents by his friends. I was as silent as a ghost just listening to the voices inside and outside the car which was being fused with small bits of laughter at jokes. I would just take part in enquiring them about the malls and cinema halls we crossed. His friends talked about their childhood in their village and the struggles they faced when they moved to Siliguri. I was getting deeply seated and engrossed in their conversations.

After a rough drive on pebbled road for fifteen minutes, we halted at a tea shop. They complained about the condition of the roads to each other and hoped for the current prime minister to make in better.  

After more thirty minutes of discussions on everything, we had reached. I breathed deep. I was relieved.

They went in together. I waited in the car and passed time complaining about the trip to my brother. They came back after fifteen minutes.    

We reached back home at 8:00 P.M. He kept his hand on my shoulder while climbing the stairs. I felt loved and responsible. He was tired but delighted. I was grinning with joy that he was happy. I slept well after writing about it.

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The One Who Isn’t a Friend Anymore

Date: 24th March, 2019

The One Who Isn’t a Friend Anymore,
Lost A Few Months Ago,

Dear Long-Lost Friend,
Well…I have no clue about how to go about this but of all the people, you should be knowing that I am neither good at making friends, let alone keeping them for years and you, my friend, have always been there for me for the last nine years. Thank You for that.

Do you remember… Those years in school, those lunchboxes, our first bikes…the ride on my bullet straight from show-room to your place, running around the town for a hidden cigarette spot, the deep-midnight conversations after a whiskey on my terrace, those cricket matches during rains, mid-night chai cravings and many other not so mentionable deeds.
It still feels like all of it had happened yesterday.

Months have gone by since we last talked to each other, three to be precise.

My Whatsapp still has your chat pinned to the top with a text “We can’t talk anymore. I hate your dramas everyday…” We did not have any conversations since then. It’s not that I haven’t tried to make amends or tried to talk to you. The glasses of our friendship were spilling with hatred and arrogance, a bit of affection couldn’t fit in. So, we parted ways and you had moved to Jaipur.

You must be wondering the WHY behind this letter. Late Saturday night, I was driving from work to home and a song played on the FM radio which happened to be your favourite song… “Tere Jaisa Yaar Kahaan… Kaha Aesa Yaraana…” and the memories flooded through the gates of the past. I stopped to have a chai and thought about us. The numerous times we had hummed n tripped on that song after our drinking session. That song still resembles an important part of me – YOU.

I agree. People change. Time changes them. The meaning of a friendship changes with time too. Is it still okay to hold on to you and our memories… those precious ones?

I won’t write a cliché but I am always there for you even when I’m not there for you.

Well, I miss you, buddy.

Yours Always,
A Friend of Yours Who Isn’t A Friend Anymore

Does God Exist?


The title in itself might incite many emotions in you. In some, it may bring upon the emotion of a companion which we look up to or to some, it may just be like any other word. To some, it may be a source of power or belief or to some, it may be the solution to all your problems.


The world has fighting since ages to prove the superiority of the God, they believe in. Riots and massacres have been constantly headlined by the news channels since their existence. People have been cut, hung, murdered, smashed, and crushed in the name of religion. But do we really understand the true meaning and relevance of God. Do we really follow the religion the way we are supposed to and do we follow the religion the way it is used by some self-regarding people to hide under its umbrella for their personal gains.


I may not be the right person to tell you how every religion on this planet came into existence or the purpose(s) of each religion. But, in my twenty four years of living and breathing in a religious family and a rat-racing world, I’ve come to understand the relevance of religion in my life. You may agree with what I have written or you may disagree, it is just one man’s opinion.


In India and many parts of the world (may be), Religion is followed by an individual, which is tutored to him by the people that surround him since his birth. Religion is forced upon us, since childhood, by creating a fear in us. Elders use superstitions and myths for creating an image of God into our heads and we follow it blindly without questioning them. We look at the idols and pictures of Gods in the temples, homes, schools and almost everywhere we go to. People have been donating and giving up things such as money, food, gold and silver jewellery and several other belongings to the one who created it and gave it to him. I am not against any religion and I’ll never be.


Every religion teaches us one common virtue i.e., humanity. In our fast and dynamic lives, we have certainly lost the soothing touch of humanity. We often choose not to help someone as we would have to take an extra step or walk an extra mile for him or her. While driving our vehicle, we often do not give way to an ambulance carrying a patient. We hate easily. We fight and lose temper at the drop of a hat. We are pleased by displaying dominance over someone. Our egos are bruised when someone gives their opinion. We yell him or her away when a starving person reaches our doorstep for food. Brothers fight for their parents’ properties. Families get separated at the slightest of argument. Jesus, Allah, Buddha and Lord Rama preached for the brotherly love among humans. We should always try to be there for someone in need. We should be there for helping someone to the extent we can. We should never let anyone go hungry from our doorstep.


FAITH and HOPE – these simple sounding words are the only reasons for which a religion is craved by an individual. Faith refers to the trust that every bad event in our lives happen for a reason. Hope refers to the expectation that every bad event in our lives will be a good event or a good learning experience at its end.  Every human being has the name of God on his lips when he is faced by a problem or a bad situation. No one understands the fact that problems will come no matter which path you choose. Problems will reach you whether you are rich or poor, young or old. The belief in us is what keeps us up to fight for every single day in our life. It is commonly said that belief is like a candle which no one can blow off. Belief is what makes us work hard at our jobs for a better future. Belief is what makes us set an alarm before sleeping at night.

Now, getting back to the title. Does God exist ?

Personally, it exists for me. I look up to him for strength during difficult times. He is my constant companion. I share my sorrows with him. He is the consequence of my actions. He is the one who provides me with enough to live a grateful life. He is the one who taught me to respect my parent and stand up to my words by incarnating as Lord Ram. She is the one who made me believe in the strengths of a woman as Goddess Durga and Kali. He is the one who enlightened me with the path of sacrifice and humanity by being Buddha.


I believe in the fact that my parents are the real life Gods marking their presence in my life. They have provided me enough food to sleep with filled stomach, a roof to sleep under it on a comfortable bed, an education that half the world only dreams of and everything that only few of us can possess. My parents have also taught me the value that a family holds in our life. My parents have prepared me to walk through difficult times without getting defeated and to learn from my mistakes.


So, God does exist. It exists in you, your parents, your driver, the beggar you walked right by on the street, your maid with whom you just misbehaved and in everyone of us. So let’s be human to each other and then be a follower of any religion.


Holding Each Other’s Hand..!!



It was a cold night. The clock on the wall blared in red 21/12/2017 1:00 AM. Raghav was busy in his room working on his project for which he had lost his health, friends and everything for the past two years. He had moved to Chandigarh after completing his post graduation in Patiala. He had been great at his studies and was equally sincere and hard-working toward his career.

His cellphone beeped. The screen displayed.

Shreya: Hi.. R u dere ???

Raghav heaved a sigh and lied down staring blankly towards the white ceiling.


Few years ago..

He had met Shreya on the first day of his college. She was his classmate. She was a simple girl who loved to wear her salwar kameez regularly to the college. Her father used to drop her to college onto his LML Vespa Scooter. Everyone noticed the hop in her walk as she entered the college campus. She used to smile at everyone her eyes contacted. Her dimples bought smile to everyone’s face.

It was a Monday afternoon of June, 2015. Raghav had been hopping and lip syncing, with a thick book on business management clenched in his hands, Punjabi music playing in his new earphones, towards library. At the entrance, Raghav bumped into a beautiful girl dressed in a yellow salwar kameez and hair tied in a bun. The books she had been carrying in slender hands had now thrashed on the ground. Raghav immediately came to the reality and went on his knees to help her in picking up the books. One of the books was titled “Business Management by V.P. Sinha”

Raghav said “I’m so sorry. It is entirely my mistake.”

Shreya, moving her hand for a shake, replied “It’s okay. It was my fault too. I was carrying many books at a time.”

Raghav: “Let me help you. BTW, I see one of books is on BM for first year, are you studying in my course?”

Shreya: “I’m Studying in BBA, First Year and you?”

Raghav (again, moves his hand for a shake): “Me too. By the way, I’m Raghav Sanyal.”

Shreya: “and, I’m Shreya Agarwal”

The first meeting, as strangers, had turned into regular coffee outings and movie nights. They had become best-friends. Long late night calls had become a routine. Both had become partners in studying in their respective apartments and solving doubts on Whatsapp© calls. Raghav knew everything about her, from her favorite actor to her favourite ice-cream. Shreya also knew everything about him, from his favorite cricketer to his girl crushes. No day had passed by when they weren’t seen together in the library staring and smiling at each other stealing glances from the librarian.


Few Months Later…

It was a Sunday afternoon. Raghav had called Shreya to a houseful Café Coffee day nearby her apartment to discuss something important.  Shreya came hastily and sat at a familiar table where they had sat for numerous coffee dates.  Raghav wasn’t there. She found a box mentioning “SHREYA” in blue. As she opened the box, she found a note which read: 

(Though, it has been only a few months since we know each other. Each moment spent with you is and always will be precious to me. I have wished for something today. I wish to spend each remaining breath with you in my life. Will you be a part of each day I live?)

Her eyes glittered with the tears that rolled on her lashes. She closed her eyes to wipe her already wet eyes. Her eyes opened to see Raghav bending on his knees with a ring in his hand and a board defining his feeling “I Love You..!!” Shreya ran towards him and hugged him tightly and whispered in his ears “I do too..!” and both of them burst into laughter. The entire café cheered them as they blushed and enjoyed their coffees.


Few Months Later…

It had been two years since the proposal. The movie and coffee dates, long night calls, long rides to secluded places have kept the romances alive. They both love each other madly and deeply. Raghav still provides Shreya a shoulder when she cries. He still brings chocolates when Shreya is handling her mood swings during her periods. Shreya still lets her fingers get lost in his hairs when he feels lost. She lets out a hug each time he needs her for a push of confidence.

Soon the college got over. Shreya got placed in Procter and Gamble© as a Regional Sales Officer at Mumbai and Raghav was designated as a Chief Marketing Officer in Paytm© at Chandigarh. Distance of 1,600 kilometers hadn’t separated them. Skype©, Whatsapp© and Facebook© had made their life easier. However, they missed each other on birthdays and anniversaries or something that made them nostalgic about the times they had spent together.

It had been two years since they got placed. Both have been doing excellent in their careers making their respective families proud of them. But, the relationship which they have kept alive for so long had seemed to have been broken. Calls have reduced to knowing about each others’ day. Birthdays and anniversaries were no longer celebrated and laughed upon. Arguments and fights have replaced those romantic kisses through the phones. Both smiled only to please people near them. Shreya cried herself to sleep and Raghav had been working, smoking and drinking to avoid picturing her. Soon they broke up.



He jumped from his bed and sat on the recliner in the balcony. He called the number from which he received the message. A familiar stranger was crying and she replied to the call…

Shreya: “Hello…Is this Raghav? ”

Raghav: “Hello Shreya…!!”

That call lasted till they both saw the sun rise.


Few Months Later…

She was dressed in a red and gold Lehenga and he was walking beside her. Everyone blessed the couple as they entered the reception hall holding each others’ hand. Shreya twirled on the dance floor as Raghav held her waist and kissed her cheeks. She blushed and both smiled. They were happy and together.

3 (1)


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Love That Wasn’t Allowed..!!


It was the night of 24th of August, 2012. The digital clock flashed 10:47 p.m. My LG cell-phone rang and broke into my deep sleep slumber (Androids or Iphones didn’t exist in my life then). An unsaved number flashed on the screen. In a haste to avoid waking up everyone in my home, I rushed to pick up the call. A sweet feminine voice said, hushing “Hello, is this Ayush?” I couldn’t recognize the voice but since it was a girl with a lovely voice that had me in its ‘hello’, I said “yes but who are you and how do you know my name.” All the questions had made my sleep disappear. She said “I am Nisha.” I had heard that name being whispered between my uncle, aunty and other elders of my family. I had started to make some sense of the whispers between my family members. It was about the love affair of my cousin brother who was 27 and was next in line to get married. It was all coming back to me. Amidst my thoughts talking to me, she whispered again “Are you there?” Coming back from my thoughts, I whispered too “yes, say naa.” Within few minutes, she explained me who she was and the reason for calling me.

I hailed from a middle class maheshwari family background which, in other words, meant love and inter-caste marriages don’t happen in my family. Completing the picture, my cousin’s family and my family didn’t agree to them getting married. It had gotten pretty late in listening and comprehending the situation. She cried in between and with my petty jokes, I tried to make her smile. I bid her goodnight and promised her to call her next morning. Few hours later, I lay still in my bed going over the conversation again and again and smiling to myself listening to rain.


Next morning, I woke up early and got ready before everyone (even though I never was and never will be an-early-morning person). I opened my books as I had my CA exams coming in first week of May, 2013. My eyes, fixed on my cell-phone, were eagerly waiting for the call that had kept me awake last night. At 11:15 a.m., the phone rang and I secretly wished it was her. IT WAS HER on the phone with her sweet ‘Hello’ making me remember last night. I was so intrigued by her voice and we were on the call for over two hours talking about my family, my cousin’s family, her likes and dislikes and my likes and dislikes and when the battery started to heat and burn my ears, we hung up. I started writing a poem for her. I didn’t know how she looked or smiled. It was her voice that I wanted to hear again and again. I picked up my diary and pencil and wrote this:

With my books open in front,

And the pencils kept blunt.


I gaze at the clouds outside the window,

Searching and waiting for a familiar shadow.


There she was in a different state,

Wanting to be forever,

With her soul-mate.


Somewhere in a dark corner of my heart,

An unknown person had made her path.


Laughing with her didn’t feel inaccurate,

Knowing someday,

She will be his life-mate.


I typed the poem and sent her as an SMS and waited impatiently for her reply. A sudden ping made me anxious. It was her SMS “I loved the poem. It is so good..!” I replied “I wrote that for you. Glad you liked it.”




This was a start to a love story that wasn’t allowed and was kept hidden in the pages of a diary. She never said or felt it. I never felt that it shouldn’t have started at the first place. People say love makes us a better person. I say it’s true. Without her, I wouldn’t be where I am. Love brings the peace among the fierce waves in our lives. It brings in the candle that lightens up the deep corners of our heart. Being a partner at a big Chartered Accountant firm is what she made me. I promised her on one of our calls “I’ll be CA one day and it’ll be for you.” She will always be there in my heart and life. I will always cherish her.



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